If I yell "Help me, Mr. Wizard!", I would love to hear the words "Drizzle, Drazzle, Drozzle, Drome, Time for this one to come home".

Well, it may have worked for Neo in The Matrix, but it doesn't work for me.

In only a couple of weeks, my vision has blurred slightly and my dandruff has returned, negating all the benefits of living in the Philippines on my health.

Not only that, but I'm slowly going insane. My four-year old inaanak (godchild, and one of many) is so hyperactive that she makes other hyperactive children look like they're moving in slow motion. I've been trying to get some other work done, and what should take about an hour takes about three! I'm stuck with her 2-3 hours per day (and I'm stuck as a pseudo babysitter). So… if I fail to write anything on a given day (until I return home), it isn't because I don't want to.

As I stated in an earlier article, there's no place like home!

(Image source: Toonopedia)

I haven't been posting like I've wanted to for a few reasons, the most important of which is my wife's constant demand for attention. She had her tonsils removed 10 days ago and she ran out of the prescribed pain killer yesterday (no refills). She seems to be able to eat solid food again, but then experiences throat pain a short time later. I don't know which of us is more miserable — her, with her pain or I, having to tend to her — I've been getting some excruciating headaches from the constant sleep interruptions. I haven't been this tired since my youngest son was in diapers.

We returned to Phoenix 2 days after going to Coolidge. Neither I nor my wife were comfortable staying at my parents' house. You've probably heard a phrase along the line of "you can never go home again" and I believe it's true. It's the house I grew up in for the first 13 years of my life, but it isn't my home and it never will be again.

As they say on the game shows, that's not all. Two of my nieces had strep throat and I caught a cold from someone and I think it was from my mother. We were staying in the bedroom that one of the nieces vacated for us, but the bed was too soft. I didn't sleep but a couple of hours per night for 2 nights. I had full access to my sister's computer, but I still had to wait until it wasn't being used.

I won't have any further access to the PC I'm on (the one that belongs to my wife's cousin) until this coming Monday. I really miss having 24/7 access to my own. I'm going to try to get caught up with email and other assorted items today so that I'll be able to concentrate on blogging next week.

I'm already thinking "there's no place like home" and I've been back in the US for less than 3 days.

The flight from the Philippines to the US, stopping in Guam, Hawaii, and Texas was a long and boring trip. 28+ hours of boring. I had to change planes in Guam and Texas, but still had to debark and re-embark in Honolulu, Hawaii due to some stupid customs regulation (and all I had with me was a carry-on).

I arrived after 11:30 am on Monday, missing my wife's first appointment (for the cyst) by an hour. Thank goodness she only had to have it drained and not surgically removed. She and her cousin's husband picked me up at the airport.

We stopped by the bank to add me to her checking account and then we went to IHOP for dinner. Airline food is horrible and there isn't enough of it. I was starved and I wanted to make sure my wife had a good dinner before her surgery on Tuesday. Finally, since I didn't sleep on the planes (I never do), I conked out at her cousin's house at about 4 pm, not waking until 4 am.

At 10:00 am on Tuesday, my wife had her tonsils removed. It took about 45 minutes for the surgery — the doctor came to the waiting room to talk to me — and she was in the recovery room for 2 more hours. Due to her pain medication, she's been sleeping a lot since yesterday, but she's doing fine. Her deductible is $1000, which I'll be paying once my PayPal withdrawals hit the bank.

My "cousin-in-law's" computer is a piece of shiitake and it's my fault. I'm the one who gave it to her 2 years ago. I used it as a headless server and it really wasn't designed to be used as a desktop. It seems to work for her though, so I guess it isn't all bad. Anyway, since it's in her bedroom, I'll have to wait until the room is unoccupied in order to use it again. We'll be getting over to my parents' house on Friday or Saturday and I don't know what's in store for us there.

Anyway, I'll post updates as the need arises.

I mentioned preparing for my trip to Phoenix a week ago. Because I didn't get paid on the 1st (this is only the 3rd time in 2 years) and the direct deposited funds didn't appear until yesterday, I didn't pay for my airline ticket until yesterday. I couldn't get the actual ticket until today. Guess what? My ticket is for the only flight remaining for a date prior to my wife's surgery. I'm stuck with Continental Airlines, which will depart Manila on February 17th, stopping in Guam and Houston (Texas, USA), and arriving on the 18th in Phoenix. My return flight departs Phoenix on March 21st, the first available return flight.

In addition to the 2170-peso immigration fee, I also have a 550-peso terminal fee to pay, so I have to carry pesos with me as well as US dollars. Speaking of dollars, two of the $100 notes that I paid the ticket with were rejected by the same bank that gave them to me in the first place. If American currency has a tear or a missing piece, it won't be accepted by local banks, money exchanges, and shopping venues that accept American dollars. I'll never figure out the reasoning behind it. Anyway, I had to swap notes at the travel agency before I could get my ticket from them today. Cash is getting tight (I had to borrow $100 from my mother-in-law's savings) because I can't access my PayPal account from here.

Since I'll be arriving less than 24 hours before my wife's surgery, I'm going to be an extremely tired and irritable person after the long flight. I'll be arriving at about 11 am and have to go with my wife to the bank to convert her single account to a joint account, contact PayPal to fix my account (by getting rid of an old account) and lift the withdrawal limits, and some other tasks, all within a span of about 5 hours. It's definitely going to be a tight squeeze.

I just got back from a local travel agency after finishing up with the Olongapo City Bureau of Immigration office. At the immigration office, I had to pay an annual fee of 310 pesos (about $7.75 in US dollars) and I was told I would have to pay a travel clearance fee at the airport of 2,170 pesos (about $54.25 in US dollars) in addition to the travel tax (that would be included in the ticket price). Non-Filipinos have to pay the travel tax, while citizens do not.

At the travel agency, I had the agent looking for the best rate prior to the 19th of February. She found a round-trip flight with Continental Airlines for $1198 in US dollars, including all applicable taxes. She could find nothing for Philippine Airlines (PAL) or Northwest Airlines. Both of their rates would be cheaper. She can't make the reservations until tomorrow because I can't pay until Friday (my payday) and all reservations have to be paid within 3 days. I left my name and telephone number so that she could see if she could find me a better deal before Friday.

I don't have a problem flying with most airlines, but all except PAL have multiple stops before reaching the US, whereas PAL is a direct flight from Manila to LAX or San Francisco. Anyway, my wife's surgery is on February 19th and I have to arrive in Phoenix at least a day prior. It's going to be a tight squeeze.

If you've followed along since my post on a possible disappearing act, you'll know that this year's wedding anniversary (today) is less than a happy one.

Read the rest of this entry »

My co-author's last post was on August 22nd. I contacted him in October and he said he still had some health issues. Those are the last messages we exchanged.

Until Scott's ready to get back to writing, it doesn't make sense to leave the pages in the top navigation bar with his name on it. I'm removing them. I hope he's well, or getting better, and I'll put them back if and when he returns.

In the last 24 hours, I spent more time asleep than awake and it's supposed to be the other way around. I couldn't stay awake. It was a bug, a lack of proper nutrients or too much serotonin in my bloodstream. I'm betting on the bug. Regardless of the cause, I feel okay now and should be able to continue with my normal routines shortly.

Hari, my prolific guest blogger, blog reviewer, and frequent visitor informed me that he's "out of his element", moving house and connecting via an extremely crappy wireless connection. He wants people who are waiting for a review to know that he'll be working on them as soon as he gets a decent connection again.

Apparently, I won two out of three awards as one of the blogger challenge winners at onemansgoal.com for the contest that ended on August 31st. My purpose for entering was not to win, so I won't be displaying any "trophies".

Unless things change drastically in the next two weeks, my wife will be returning home soon. Circumstances and interference have prevented her from attaining any of her goals. She has been gone more than four months and agrees with me that it was a complete waste of time on her part. I foresaw this and warned her, but she just had to try anyway.

The moment we die, we surrender the shell that is used to carry our mind and soul to the ravages of decomposition. The body's own enzymes immediately begin to digest surrounding tissues and bacteria in the gut and skin and begin the process of purification.

According to Wikipedia, an unembalmed adult body buried six feet deep in ordinary soil without a coffin, in a temperate climate normally takes ten to twelve years to fully decompose. A dead body immersed in water skeletonizes four times faster, eight times faster when the brain and soul transportation vessel is exposed to air.

A Wikipedia search reveals that the average human body, consisting of about 100,000,000,000,000 cells, has about ten times that number, 1,000,000,000,000,000 (one quadrillion) microorganisms in the gut. Bacteria make up most of the flora in the colon and 60% of the mass of feces.

When we die this army of bacteria quickly invades our bodies but when we are alive our gut is a battleground. The fortress of our body is on constant alert, fighting back these bacteria and rebuilding any part of our defense system that is compromised during the battle. Our intestine is lined with sticky mucosal cells. I like to think of these cells as the moat that fortifies our castle. Behind the moat lies several layers of epithelial cells, the wall around the castle, and hiding on the castle walls, inside the moat and scattered among the invading forces of bacterial is our Gut Associated Lymphoid Tissue (GULT). These GULT are the gorilla fighters of our fortress, giving up their lives for the better good of the whole. The harmful bacteria, like nomads hungry for land and power, have one goal, to get to the oxygen rich cells inside our bodies. Once the bad bacteria breach these protective barriers they are free to march throughout our bodies, via our blood and circulatory system, invading other organ defenses and fortresses along the way.

Last Saturday my fortress was invaded. The warning alarms of my body sounded in the form of pain. I didn’t panic, confidant that my troops would make short work of the rogue marauders. It wasn’t until Tuesday morning that I began to doubt the strength and stamina of my intestinal troops and my son drove me to Arrowhead Emergency Hospital where I was subjected to hours of BDSM type activities (I’ll spare you the details), all while dressed in nothing but a flimsy, backless, pink and blue nightie. Once everyone that worked in the ER had a good look at me, inside and out, I was admitted “for treatment and observation”. The war was on and the battle was named “Acute Diverticulitis”. The efforts of my hard working but fatigued intestinal troops were augmented by antibiotics, the mustard gas of bacterial infections. The warning alarms had been quieted by morphine, and I was placed on a liquid diet. Breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of ONLY beef broth, Jello, water and decaffeinated tea. Each time my meal arrived, I thought of former POW Senator John McCain, sitting in a cell at the Hanoi Hilton in Viet Nam.

Today, nearly a week after the invasion began, I live to tell the story. The pain alarms are quiet and the battleground has been cleared of debris and dead soldiers. In the coming months more BDSM type activity will occur as professionals in medical practice thoroughly inspect the battleground and sweep for hidden land mines. The attempt on my life was narrowly avoided and the processes associated with mortification and purification, reserved for the dead, appear to have been arrested.

I took a 24-hour break. Really! I had a very good reason for it, as I'll explain.

My wife, who happens to be living in the US right now (see My Wife Is Leaving Me! and My Wife Is Gone Now. Let’s Start Partying!), has been having some health problems. These problems are tied to a car accident she was in six years ago. Before we both left the US in 2006 to live in the Philippines (she returned to the US in May by herself and is living with her cousin), she had spent more than two years going back and forth to doctors to find out what was wrong with her. Two doctors had specifically examined her in response to her symptoms.

Since the accident, and after treatment by a chiropractor, she has had numbness in her left arm, neck, and the left side of her face. This has been on and off all this time, not bothering her all the time but enough to cause concern for both of us. One doctor went so far as to tell her she had an extra bone next to the vertebrae in her neck. Another doctor, a nerve specialist, told her she had arthritis in her neck. Yesterday (or the day before depending on you look at the difference in our time zones), she went to another doctor because the numbness and pain were preventing her from sleeping. When she mentioned the other two doctors, this doctor laughed. He knew they were quacks as much as I did.

When I was in the military, I saw this happen quite a bit. Other men, during training, would get their necks bumped around and then have to head to the doctor on base. The cause of their problems was almost always a pinched nerve in the neck. When my wife started complaining, I told her that's what I thought it was. The symptoms were the same. Well, after she described her symptoms to the latest doctor, his first thought was that she had a pinched nerve and he told her that. She told him that was what I had been saying all along. He took x-rays of her neck from different angles. My wife had not told him about the car accident yet. His first question looking at the x-rays was if she had been in a car accident.

The doctor is also a qualified chiropractor. She didn't know that until he told her. Anyway, she's going back to him on Tuesday because he is going to manipulate the bones in her neck to move the vertebrae away from the nerve. In the meantime, he prescribed melato… something. I couldn't make out what she said over the instant messenger. They're sleeping pills of some kind.

This brings me to my 24-hour break. After worrying about her for about three years, the news that she was finally going to get relief from the numbness and the pain caused me to feel (I don't know exactly how to describe it) like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I was elated and somehow that translated into sudden fatigue. I felt tired and sleepy and I really don't know why the news had that kind of effect on me. I managed to stay awake and up until after cooking and eating dinner with my son (I even answered a few email messages and comments). About an hour after that, around 7 pm, I gave up the ghost and went to bed. I just got up at 6 am this morning. 11 hours of sleep! I haven't slept that much since I was a teenager!