You've probably seen or heard a television advertisement or two where they think words like "diarrhea" and "hemorrhoids" are going to disturb you, so they quickly get to the point to spare you as much disgust as possible. I, on the other hand, am here to disgust you as much as possible. During periods where you don't eat the same things you routinely do (like during the holidays), and eat in places you don't normally eat (like your cousin's house), then things like diarrhea and hemorrhoids are going to bother you.

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