No, I'm not Batman. Do you think I would be sitting here, writing this, if I was? Besides, he's a fictional character. The only reason I bring the title phrase up is because of a pamangkin – a nephew, but really a cousin once removed (Filipino culture is confusing) – and how he responded to my first question upon his arrival from the US.

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I believe in the power of mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. Well, some of you anyway.

I'm 47-years old and I'm still learning. I'll still be learning if I live to be 107-years old. My brain is like a sponge; a not quite worn out sponge, but a sponge nonetheless. I'm also teaching. I'm passing my knowledge on to family, relatives, friends and anyone who takes the time to read or listen. I'm not a genius and I'm not infallible, but I am unique. I am a legend in my own mind.

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While looking on YouTube for a clip of "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" for another blog, I happened upon this video. It's old, but it's still funny. I hope you enjoy it.

After you get done watching, take a look at this blog: Asian Ramblings. His blog needs re-indexing after moving his blog from one domain to another and this is one way to do it.

I'm not here to critique or make fun of Tom Cruise or Scientology. There are plenty of other people who already have.

Before he did his video, which has made the rounds all over the Internet, it seems Tom was a little upset when a South Park episode aired that poked fun at him, Scientology and John Travolta, another scientologist. He threatened to halt the production of Mission Impossible III (2006) if it was re-aired. Some people take themselves too seriously.

I'd like to present to you the original video that Tom Cruise appeared in, followed by some parodies. You can't appreciate the parodies without seeing the original.

Here's the original:

A parody done by Jerry O'Connell:

A parody included in the upcoming Superhero Movie (2008):

It's time for the 2nd annual celebration of my "What I Hate Day", in honor of Valentine's Day in the US and other countries. My list from last year hasn't changed.

I'm going to reemphasize some things and add a couple of things to the list:

• I hate being called Ricky. I've hated it since I was a child. I don't mind Rich, Richard or RT. I prefer RT, but I can't do anything about my US family. With them, I'll always be "Ricky".
• I hate "Happy Days" (the television series) and anything associated with it, Ron Howard, and being called Richie. Call me that and prepare to die.
• I hate people who pretend to know what they're talking or writing about when they don't, like newbie bloggers that publish tutorials they ripped off from someone else.
• I hate traveling, regardless of the mode of transportation.
• I hate Valentine's Day, especially this year.

Okay, you got off easy this year. I'll probably have another list ready by this time next year.

As you see this phrase, "shiitake happens", feel free to insert your own colorful metaphors for "shiitake". I don't like using bad words, especially in a post title, and this is my way of getting the same meaning across. The shiitake (lentinula edodes) is a very edible mushroom native to East Asia, while the word I replaced is not edible in any way (unless you're a swine).

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A friend of mine is always sending me email jokes. Here's some I found mildly amusing:

The Doctor

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great… some asshole's got my pen."

Police Toilet

Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?

Right now the cops have nothing to go on.

Google?

Rings

Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?" The man replied, "I have a red ring around my pecker, what are you here for?" The other man said, "I have a green ring around my pecker." The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him. As he was walking out, he told the other guy it was no problem.

The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his pecker and examined him. The doctor says, "Your pecker is gonna fall off and you are gonna die". The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??" The doctor said, "Yes, but there's a lot of difference between lipstick and gangrene!"

Messing With Santa's Head

• Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa".
• Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
• Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
• While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
• Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
• Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
• Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
• Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
• Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

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Christmas Riddles

• What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter "D".
• What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
• What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
• Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

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Christmas Story

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents.

As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today!

"There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys!

"And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"

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(Image Source: Unknown)

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts don't smell and they're always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office and you didn't even notice."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts… although they're still silent… stink really, really bad."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."