With Valentines (or Valentine’s) Day fast approaching, it’s not important whether you know the true origin of the day or not. What’s important is that you know that Valentines Day is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentines Day cards, presenting flowers, offering candy (usually chocolate) and other unusual Valentines Day gifts. A primarily western tradition, some of it has been spilling over to countries of the Far East. I can’t tell you how much, but when my Filipino relatives know as much about it as any typical American, then I can say it with a wee bit of authority.
Valentines Day is for Lovers
The dominating partner in most relationships is male. It stands to reason that a lot of men will go out of their way to please the women in their lives. Valentines Day is just an excuse to dote on a lover with things like flowers and candy, based on the hope that he’ll receive sexual favors (or something) in return.
I’ve been married to my wife for 28 years. Even after all this time, I still do this on a yearly basis. Yes, I’m looking for sex in return. Of course I am, even though once a year isn’t enough.
While I agree with the sentiment of Valentine’s Day for adults, there is one thing about this “holiday” that I don’t agree with.
Valentines Day in Education
I went through this is in elementary school as did both of my sons. We were instructed to get Valentine’s Day cards (paid for by our parents) to exchange in class.
While I believe in learning history, I don’t believe in having historical traditions passed on in a classroom environment. That part of history is best left up to parents, not school teachers. After all, Americans are comprised of people from all cultures and not all cultures observe the tradition. Not only that, but the whole process puts stress on young people that doesn’t need to be there. I’m talking primarily about unrequited “puppy love” and yes, it does exist.
I don’t understand why schools force this down the throats of children at the elementary school levels. They don’t do it in high school and perhaps it’s because they can’t influence older teens like they can with the younger children. Since prepubescent teens and children aren’t supposed to have lovers, I find this facet of the educational system in the United States quite distasteful.
Impressing Your Lover
If you really want to impress your lover on Valentines Day, you should break away from the traditional gifts. Use some originality and try something like love charms instead of flowers. If you have a “large” woman in your life, try something like plus size leather lingerie instead of candy.
Being thoughtful on Valentines Day is important. Especially if you want sex.
[Originally published in February, 2009 and updated for 28 years of marriage vs. 24.]
I’m lucky, neither of us do Valentine’s Day :) Our feeling is that you should profess your love every day and thus avoid Hallmark telling you when you should do it.
And the whole “bring in a card” thing is all down to trying to include everyone in everything. Personally I think that schools do this too much. They do it with sports and now with romance – just too much really.
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We’re told (from, as you say, a very young age) that you’re supposed to spend lots of money on gifts, flowers, cards and chocolates on Valentine’s Day. We follow these instructions like sheep and generate hundreds of millions of dollars around the world for businesses who market it for just that reason. As well as that, it creates pressure in relationships and depression amongst single people!
How about taking a moment to do something thoughtful for your loved one on a normal day from time to time instead? That’s what I try to do with my wife, and it works out a lot cheaper and less contrived than an annual valentine’s date.
Why can’t Valentine’s Day be more about getting the husband to do all the house chores and taking care of the kids for at least a week, and giving the wife a break? That would be the most loving gesture, ever.
Hey RT,
We were just out yesterday, and my wife Ana was lamenting that she had forgotten to get a Valentine’s day card for one of the “important” people on her list … my step-daughter.
lol, no mention of a card for me … we’re only a couple of years into this, but apparently we’re already so comfortable with each other that romance is dead.
That being said, I will definitely be stopping by the BX to pick up a card for her in the next 2 weeks.
As for the kids, I still remember that from elementary school myself. What’s really funny, is that in like 1st through 4th grades, I’m pretty sure boys gave cards to boys and girls gave cards to girls. That would never fly today … I’m sure we were subconsciously promoting “alternative” lifestyles ;-)
Keep havin FuN~
Todd
I agree with you about the valentine cards idea in school, some kids will undoubtedly receive no valentine cards and it will leave them feeling miserable, which isn’t fair at that age. I don’t think its a bad idea for children to give valentines cards, just that it shouldn’t be forced onto them. Thankfully we don’t have that tradition in UK schools.
Valentines Day is a great day to say I love you, but my first marriage taught me that you should take the time to do so everyday. With this mindset my second marriage is just as strong today as when we met.
Me and my hubby doest celebrate Valentines because we believe that expressing your love must be done everyday. Thats why he usually surprises me with gifts or card once in a while.
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I sort of choked on the whole Valentines Day ritual the last couple years. I was told that I am on notice this year, so I am planning on stepping it up. I secretly arranged for us to spent a night in a cabin up in the mountains. I ran it by a couple of lady friends of mine and they all seemed to think that it was a romantic idea.
You are right man,historical traditions should not be passed on in classroom environment. This part of history should be left up to parents and social environment. One needs to be creative while selecting Valentine Day gifts to make it most memorable day of his/her life.
I think one of the benefits of Valentine’s Day for children is that it teaches them self expression and how to give and receive complements. I can see that my first grader feels uncomfortable even writing something like “I think you are nice” on a Valentine card. Definitely a skill that takes practice both to give and receive. I see it more of a day of sweetness for children and less about love and passion. That comes later… in the tweens.
I can’t say that I’m a big fan of Valentines day, I usually have an anti-Valentine celebration every year, usually because for some reason I’m always single around this time of year and it is wayyyy too commercialized. I shouldn’t have to buy a bunch crap just to show someone that I care about them. Even if you do something nice and simple like cooking dinner for someone, you don’t really need a dedicated day to this, it should be done year round. Just my two cents.
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One of my favorite occasion every year. Seems the atmosphere was full of love. You got amaze because you could see lots of couples everywhere from restaurant to parks with flowers or chocolate in hand.