I can deal with ants that want to come in my house and feast on whatever they can find. I can deal with the ant trails coming through the cracks of the doors and windows. I can even deal with the buggers making nests on the wall just below the ceiling. I can't, however, deal with ants that want to munch on my private parts! When that happens, it's war!

You know, it's my fault. No one told me I had to live in the tropics, in the middle of what most people would consider a jungle. But for the life of me, I had no idea that ants which could move really, really fast even existed. I've had them scurry over my hands at warp speed to make kamikaze suicide dives into my freshly made cups of coffee. Dammit! I don't like the added flavor of insect exoskeletons in my coffee!

I'm armed to the teeth in ant-killing weaponry. Insecticides are only one small part of my arsenal. Boric acid will be the final component that will wipe them out of existence (in my house at least). I have two cans of boric acid coming with cargo packages from my wife, whenever they get here. It's not soon enough! I tried to find this stuff here in Olongapo City but when I mention it, I get this glazed look from the retailers. I'm friggin' speaking in their native tongue and they're clueless! I can't even find ant traps here.

I'm not asking for much — just something to keep the little bastards under control.