I live in a compound of sorts. My house faces the street; on my left is a row of three houses that descend a slope. There is a barrier wall to the left of those houses and to the rear of the last house. My rear wall is connected to that wall and I have a wall bordering the creek on my right side. When everything is completed, and I do mean everything, I'll take extensive pictures of the compound. It isn't beautiful, but it's mine. Just for a quick history lesson in case you never spotted it in a previous article, I bought the land for the houses next door back in 1987. The only thing that was there back then was a "bahay kubo", a house made of bamboo, and banana leaves, with just enough milled wood to keep it all together. I bought the land for my own house in 2005, long before I decided to move here.
Everyone living in the compound are relatives. A mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and their husbands, brothers-in-law and their wives, and a whole slew of nieces and nephews. It's hard to explain, but I (through my wife) have been in control of their lives for more than 20 years.
You might think I'm being arrogant in saying that my word is law around here, but I'm not. When there's a dispute of any kind, I'm the final authority, outranking my elders and even my mother-in-law. When I get angry, they scatter like roaches and hide. I once caught two of my nephews painting graffiti on the wall of a nearby store (that was long since closed) and it made the area look nasty. I told their mother they needed to whitewash that wall and it was done by the end of the next day, without any arguments whatsoever.
Most of the adults are not uneducated, having completed at least high school. My mother-in-law lived with me for at least 10 years in the US (along with her now deceased husband). They all speak English as a second language, even if they don't want to do so. That's okay, because I speak their language and I'm getting better at it all the time. I think the reason they listen to me and my wife is because of our combined experiences. Sometimes, I detect a little resentment from some of them because of their lack of experiences.
I sat back and thought about it today, after my oldest sister-in-law cooked breakfast for me and my son. Could it be because I financially support them? No, because the two families I support know that they don't have to do anything for me at all or listen to me at all. I gave both husbands specific duties to earn the money (so it wouldn't seem like charity to them). They are doing those duties month after month, so there's no problem at all. The sister-in-law that cooked for me has only received 100 pesos from me in over a year — her husband makes very little doing odd jobs, but they also mooch off my mother-in-law who draws social security form the U US sed on her husband's employment (she didn't work long enough to qualify).
My span of influence is somehow continuing to grow. I now have neighbors and other relatives outside the compound coming to me as the final authority in their own family matters. Although I'm somewhat amused by it, I have absolutely no idea why it's happening. Perhaps thoughtful and beneficial decisions are addictive to the recipients. All I can say is that it can be very, very tiring at times.
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