RSS Feeds: Oath of Enlistment
Edit: This came from a spam email — do not ask me where from:
All persons, upon entering the military service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing military branches, the Oath has undergone marked changes and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:
US Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!
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US Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual… er… I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
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US Navy Oath of Enlistment
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim… why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
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US Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear… uhhhh… high-and-tight… grunt… cammies… ugh… Air Force women… OORAH! So Help Me CORPS!
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lmao, the Navy one is pretty much spot on, speaking from experience.
As a retired Marine, i can tell you that one is funny but so untrue. Of course, there were SOME that became grunts that acted like that.
LMAO! I haven't seen this in a while but I have to say, the Air Force one is pretty spot on. Oh, well, it was when I was in. They are actually trying to implement a "real" physical fitness program now. They brought back the pushups and situps about a year before I separated, but I got out of having to fail them because of my asthma. I couldn't take the bike test unless I went three days without my inhaler, and the testers couldn't schedule me with those restraints, so I just got profiled. I did actually do real exercise during that last year but only because I refused to buy bigger BDU's with a year left in when I chunked up nearly to my max weight. ;-)
So they call that "chunky" now? ;-)
LOL, well, no. They call it fat. LMAO! I had a couple of friends who went above the max and were put on the "Weight Management Program" to get the extra weight off. That was the official name. What did that call it? "Fat boy" or "fat girl" program depending on your individual gender. ;-) One thing about it, if you were on the program, you didn't get promoted. One of my friends worked hard to lose all her weight. She gained a lot during pregnancy and then took depoprovera (however you spell it) birth control which made it worse. I was with her the last time she weighed in, and once the orderly room sergeant recorded her official weight, she told her "Congratulations! You're off the program, and now you are out of uniform since you can now put on that stripe you couldn't a month ago." LOL But while she worked the fat off, I knew a guy who ended up being separated because of his fat. I think he had something else medically wrong to prevent the exercise necessary to shed the fat.
LOL my wife is going to basic for the Air National Guard next Tuesday. I wonder if I should show her this…
(btw, the Air Force one is definitely still true as the only time I visited so far everyone I talked to–being three people–was sitting behind a desk… and they all tried to use ranks and last names in front of my wife to quelch early bad habits and most of the time failed after a few minutes.. haha)
My dad being an Army vet would 100% agree with all of them–except that I wonder if he would find the Army "oath" amusing..