Circle Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called — I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey… wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you such a name."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

Three Kick Rule

On a duck hunting trip in North Dakota, a big-city lawyer shoots a bird, which falls into a field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbs over the fence an old farmer approaches and tells the visitor he can't retrieve his bird.

When the lawyer refuses to budge, the old farmer says, "Here, we settle things with the 'three kick rule.' Because the dispute is on my land, first I kick you three times. Then you kick me three times, and so on until someone gives up."

The attorney feels he can easily beat the old man, so he agrees to the deal. The old man swings his boot into the lawyer's groin and drops him to his knees. The he kicks the lawyer in the stomach, knocking the air out of him. Finally, the farmer boots the lawyer in the rear. With much effort, the lawyer stands up and says, "Now it's my turn, old man."

The farmer smiles and says, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

– from my own humor pages, which came from my overflowing inbox –