Richie Cunningham, Opie Taylor, Ron Howard, NutjobYeah, that's right, Opie. You're a dead man if I ever catch up with you. You got wealthy while I got crapped on.

When the "Love and Happy Days" episode of Love American Style aired in 1972, I remember thinking, "God, I hope that's the last time that dork uses my name". But, nooooo, you had to go and star in the immensely popular Happy Days, which ran from 1974 to 1984.

You see, your fictional character's name was "Richie Cunningham" and anyone with half a brain knows it's a nickname for Richard. Heck, your TV father or mother even called you Richard a few times, if I recall correctly. My full name is Richard Timothy Cunningham, but it doesn't matter that your character's middle name was different. The vicious people who harassed me in high school didn't seem to notice the difference.

Because of YOUR lame characterization using MY name, I was called "Richie", "Potsie", "Fonzie" and even "Happy Days". Do you know how bad it made me feel? Do you realize I wanted to kill you and your whole family?

More than 20 years later, in 2005, I was on the phone with a female customer service representative one day who started laughing after I gave her my name. I hung up on the ignorant slut.

Count your blessings, dirtbag, that I'm in the Philippines and getting to you would cost me more than I'm willing to spend. But I swear, if one Filipino here laughs at me because of you, I'll spend my entire life savings to find you and take you out!